Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
