Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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