Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
