four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
