someone threw a dead crab at me
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
