I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
