You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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