just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize