Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
