The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
