just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
