He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
