Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
