Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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