i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Randomize
