I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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