If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
