i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
