so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
