Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
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she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
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THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
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