I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize