he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
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Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
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Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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