glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Randomize
