To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
