why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
