If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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