i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
