Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
