Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize