I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
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You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
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Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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