Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ketchup is God's man juice
it's like iHOP with fire
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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