So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
