please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
