Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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