Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
