I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
