she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
