You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
