The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
it's like iHOP with fire
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
