It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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