went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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