WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
