i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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