I molested 6 butterflies tonight
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
