u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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