I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My dick has a subreddit
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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