Having a random hookup so left but love u
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
