Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
