That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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