he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
