I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
