I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
