I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
this just has baby written all over it
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
