Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
