I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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