If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
