She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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