i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
MIDGETS
????
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
