That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
