There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
