Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
