Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
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Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
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My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.