my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
she smelled like a LAN party
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You may now shotgun with the bride
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person