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• (310): View more from California

  Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.

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• (586): View more from Michigan

  i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning

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• (808): View more from Hawaii

  I need to stop coming to work sober

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• (631): View more from New York

  Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk

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  These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already

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• (316): View more from Kansas

  You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket

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• (480): View more from Arizona

  You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.

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• (805): View more from California

  Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.

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  The 33 Worst Things Men Have Said While Hitting On Women

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (703): View more from Virginia

  The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am

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• (801): View more from Utah

  fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.

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• (623): View more from Arizona

  this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent

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• (218): View more from Minnesota

  found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.

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