Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I need to stop coming to work sober
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
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hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
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The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.