why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is