Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
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I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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