names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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