She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
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