You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
