you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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