I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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