I could make wine with my vomit
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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