And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
