I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You are the jesus of drinking
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
