i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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