She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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