The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
